My Eight Years in Perimenopause
Yes, you read that correctly. Eight Years.
Say what you want about Gen X (and most of it will be true), but we have innovated and shone a spotlight on things that help us relate to ourselves and the world better. Public conversations about menopause and perimenopause are among them.
Eight years ago, I started waking up in a pool of sweat every night. But I have Caribbean blood, and I love hot yoga, so it did not bother me much. I mentioned it casually to my doctor and had no idea what it meant when the all-capped word "PERIMENOPAUSE" showed up in my bloodwork. Honestly, I was over having to host my monthly “friend” who just made a mess of things. This just meant the expiration date was near.
I was busy raising my very beautiful and very special son, managing consulting projects, studying herbalism, and figuring out how to make a living doing it. Life was full. I did not have time to pay attention.
Then, little by little, more things started to shift.
I started putting on weight, and a lot of it. I noticed my body smelled different in the middle of the day, and it wasn't pleasant. I went from warm to hot to cold in less than sixty seconds. I lost all interest in sex. If my husband came near me, I wanted to slice his hands and those other things off and feed them to the dogs. I was never an especially cheerful person, but my mood was all over the place. I cancelled plans with friends because I just did not have it in me to pretend I cared. Some days, I could not escape interacting, and I lost a few relationships along the way. I was glad I worked from home, so I didn’t have to get dressed, do my hair every day, or face coworkers.
That described six of the last eight years of my life.
I tried many different things, but nothing worked because I was trying to fix each symptom, and in truth, I didn’t have the energy to see those through. Worse, I started to feel like it was my fault that I could not get it together. I had help reinforcing that belief because I come from a birth family that loves to “kick ‘em while they’re down.” I was so ashamed. I did not recognize or like the woman in the mirror.
But my son David is pretty intuitive. We have breakfast together every weekday morning, and although I was trying not to let him see it, I did not have the energy, follow-through, or joy I once did. Some mornings, I just stared off into space, thinking about running away and starting over.
Then one day, David looked at me intensely and asked, "Mom, is there such a thing as adult puberty?"
If looks could kill, my sweet boy would have evaporated into the abyss. In my mind, I screamed: YES. IT IS CALLED PERIMENOPAUSE, YOU LITTLE BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP!
In that moment, I heard myself. And saw my raw self.
That is when I started doing serious research to find a way to address the cause, not just the symptoms. Diet and herbs helped the most. I do not know where I would be without black cohosh, red clover blossoms, and lemon balm. Those herbs, and others that supported my nervous system through this transition, are at the heart of the Radiant Transition collection. It is the formula I wish I had eight years ago. Rest became non-negotiable. Intensive therapy was critical. The things that had haunted me all my life were relentless during perimenopause, and I had some serious dragons to slay.
As I grew in my faith, I found my purpose and remembered how to love again.
I am in year eight. I know new challenges are around the corner. The big “M” is almost here. But I am ready to meet it with more humility, information, and strength than I have ever had before.
What I experienced had a name, a mechanism, and a pathway back. If you want to understand the science behind perimenopause and how to better manage it, I wrote this article for you.
Kim Violet is a mom, Certified Herbalist, Columbia MBA, and the founder of Eden's Leaves, a premium herbal wellness brand focused on nervous system support. She formulates every product and article from a place of deep personal knowledge and genuine conviction to help people increase their capacity and live well naturally.